I knew that I had neglected my little corner of the internet for quite some time, but I had not realized that it had been more than a year now. Time flies, as they say, although the last year was hardly fun. In fact, I was more than glad to see “unlucky” 2013 slip into the history books. It was a year of upheavals that saw me withdraw from my master’s program, contemplate leaving my job, and question my 20 year marriage. I am happy to report all of those issues have been or are in the process of being resolved. I entered into a new graduate program at a different university and with a slightly different course of study. I stayed at my job (for the time being). And most importantly of all, I’m still married. For the sake of my sanity, this year needed a clear start because it is going to be one of tremendous change in our family.
In less than two weeks, my oldest turns 18. Yes, 18. I still have not mentally resigned myself to that yet. What’s more, she graduates from high school in May. Our family dynamics will surely change as she takes her first steps into adulthood. My 14 year old daughter enters high school and will hopefully begin to leave behind the middle school attitude she has been sporting for the last year or so. We are so alike and so different, and it seems like we spend more time in battle than enjoying each others company. My 8 year old daughter will enter the 4th grade, and hopefully, little will change with her. Any my little man, the baby, will turn 5 and start kindergarten. So many ages and stages to keep up with is exhausting, but as a co-worker stated, not unkindly, I did bring this on myself.
As I said early, I left the master’s program that I had been working for a year and a half. The last semester was hell. The course offerings for the online were dwindling and left me taking courses with no practical application for me. I tried to make the best of it and do my best, but it’s hard to spend precious time on things that are not going to bring about the results you want. I suffered a crisis in confidence and for awhile believed that I had failed. It took a great deal of soul-searching to realize that it just wasn’t a good fit. So I found new a program with a clear path of study that will give me future job opportunities. I will leave my job in the not so distant future.
As for my marriage, we sorting it out. Twenty years is too much to easily throw away. We are making each other more of a priority. We try to have date nights at least once a month. We talk more and listen more. He is trying to give me the support that I need to keep juggling everything that I’m juggling. I’m tough, but even the tough have a breaking point.
As for me, I’ve resolved to take care of myself better. I am so accustomed to putting myself that I don’t know how to put myself first, but I’m going to learn. The first thing that I’m doing for myself is finally changing my eating habits. I’m trying not to call it a diet because I truly want it to be a life change. I gained 15 pounds over the last year, and I’m now at my highest non-pregnant weight as an adult. It’s not OK. I’m petite and every extra pound strains my body. Last week, I gave up all added sugar and sweeteners for a week. It was tough, but I survived and dropped just over 2 pounds. I’ve never successfully done that before. As my schedule works itself out, I’ll add in exercise. Baby steps.
We are planning our first family vacation since our two oldest children were about the same age as our two youngest. U2 is poised to release a new album and more than likely tour, which I am head-over-heels excited about. Who know what else may be headed our way? I do know it feels like it’s going to be good.
And I’m going to start writing again…for me. Yes, I hope others will read this, but I’m not looking to become a blog-star. That would defeat the purpose of writing semi-anonymously. I’ve chosen a new design and I am excited to share it with you.
Welcome to 2014! I hope it’s an amazing year.